Alright my faithful weekly readers. I think I’m finally ready. I think I am finally deserving enough for my…

BIG GIRL PANTS!

I have been keeping up with my weekly lessons and semi jumping on the regular. I am FINALLY confident with cross rails (Yes, yes, I said cross rails. Let’s all have a good laugh). I have jumped 2ft, like less than 5 times I think, but I feel good with that too.

SO! My plan is to move on. To put the past finally where it belongs. Package it up and ship it right back. I want to continue with the cross rails as they really help with my black outs and my weird tunnel vision shit thing (If anyone feels like they have the “tunnel vision” thing too, please comment! I need some insight from other folks!), but I want to focus on 2ft (hear that coach Lexie). I am finally feeling like my groove is in full swing to make its grand entrance. It’s time I get those sticks raised another hole, get confident there and move up to where I belong. Because, as we know, show season is fast approaching and I’ll be damned if I am still on cross rails.

I have to look at where I am now, compared to where I was a month ago, even less than a month ago. I would FREAK at the sight of a pole, I would cry (internally, and maybe to my dogs) because I had a jumping lesson and it was horrible. And I would feel like I should give up because I was never going to improve. Now, I am semi excited to jump, but always excited to ride regardless. I am jumping without some hesitation, I am cantering jumps instead of just trotting over them. My eye is finally starting to come back, I am seeing the long spots and go with my horse and not just sitting there like a frozen log.

I have to remain positive and remember that I have improved in a few short weeks. And in another few short weeks I can look back at this post and be like “Oh ya, I remember being like that and now I am wearing those damn big girl pants.” I have to remember that even when my horse eats shit because he forgot to pick up his feet I STILL KNOW WHAT TO DO. I remember all the things my coach has said to me time and time again. I handle that shit.

This past Monday’s lesson my horse ate shit over the cross rail, he basically forgot how to horse. He clipped his foot on the fence and tripped, tossed the reins out of my hands. I sat up, squeezed, grabbed one rein and carried on. I didn’t freak out, I stayed calm and did the damn thing. AND I even jumped the next jump without thinking twice about it. I didn’t get frazzled, I went around and jumped again – minus him eating shit.

It is hard to move on from the past when you’re weighted down with self-doubt, and actual broken bones. But to really get on with the show, you need too. You need to move on so you can continue on, you need to move on for your own mental health. I am ready to move on. I am feeling like I am finally at the stage where I can look past the past and see into the future – NO BROKEN BONES AND HAVING AN AMAZING TIME SLAYING THAT HUNTER RING!

Let’s all put on our big girl pants and MOVE ON from the past.

❤ The Nervous Equestrian