F*@K Fear

F*@K FEAR!

That’s right. I said it.

If you don’t tell fear to go away. It never will.

As everyone knows I struggle HORRIBLY with telling it to go away. The last couple of lessons have been without a doubt, beyond discouraging. I basically quit during one, but then continued on (that right there told myself I wasn’t REALLY done, even though physically I was tapped out!).

But, my lesson I just had this past Saturday, was one of the greater ones I’ve had yet this winter.

Frustration Bethany didn’t make a full appearance (happy dance everyone!). I could feel my frustration starting to creep up but I took a couple of deep breaths and told myself “get it together, you’re OKAY!”

LIGHT BULB MOMENT!

I was okay, I was more than okay. I stuck my butt in that saddle and we did it. I have to remember to tell myself “I can do it”. Mentally telling myself seems to be the hard one these days as the fear is like “PUMP THE BRAKES! You are not doing this today”.

I recently read the piece that Piper Klemm wrote for The Plaid Horse Magazine titled, “On Insecurity and Fear and Finding Your Lion“.

The first sentence in the second paragraph struck a nerve with me.  “As I sit here on Facebook seeing everyone’s progress, huge jumps, and big horse show wins, I started really doubting myself. I’m brave, right?” – Piper Klemm

That’s me. That’s exactly what I do. I see everyone around me improving, going to the horse shows, jumping bigger and making fantastic progress. And I am stuck in this mental rut. I am letting my past fails take over my future wins (Shocker, right?). With show season quickly approaching and I’m barely even jumping, I am doing just that; doubting my progress compared to everyone else.

I have to remind myself that I have improved, I have ACTUALLY accomplished more goals then I give myself credit for.

If you read my goals list I wrote in December I wanted to canter a course indoors without any trot transitions… WELL, it happened. And I didn’t even realize it happened until my coach pointed it out to me. I’ve also jumped more than one jump during a lesson. I jumped a 2ft vertical more than once, AND I didn’t lose my mind when I didn’t see a single spot.

It’s the little goals that I am squashing that I need to remind myself of. Every time I ride my sassy mare I am improving.

I have to remind myself how I felt as I walked Abbey into the ring to jump her off property for the first time. No fear, calm and just a sense that I knew that Abbey was going to help me out. I felt trust in her like never before.

So good-bye fear! Your time is (slowly) coming to an end!

❤ The Nervous Equestrian

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