I’ve been so focused on not allowing myself to grow as a rider, that I’ve lost sight on the bigger picture. I told myself that if I not where I want to be, or feel like I am where I should be at for my riding, then I’m not showing this upcoming season. I will basically give up and stop trying to self-improve and consider myself “as good as it gets”.

Skills and growth take time; time that I am so impatient about. I am one of those people that “skill” and “natural talent” doesn’t come to easily. I’m clumsy as can be, fumble over my words and easily lost in my own mind.  I’ve been so focused on not succeeding and thinking that I don’t actually have the ability, or the skill to actually grow and succeed, that I haven’t noticed that I am actually succeeding and growing with Abbey as a team.

I’ve been watching old videos of Abbey and I, and videos of me riding my past lease horse and long behold, I’ve actually improved. The negative mindset that I allow myself to get into the moment I have to do something out of my comfort zone, or what I think is out of my skill level, has blocked my ability to allow myself to succeed. Deep down I know that I can do it, that I want to do it, but my mind won’t allow it. My mind won’t allow me to see the improvements that are happening to myself, and with Abbey.  My mind won’t allow me to have a single positive thought that I can do it, and do it well.

The past couple of weeks, myself and many other fellow Instagram equestrians have posted a lot of throw backs, and glow ups. Everyone was so honest and raw about their struggles, “fails”, achievements and little to large improvements. It was such a nice reminder that we ALL started somewhere and we ALL have improved. We all have those hidden away videos we are embarrassed about, the over fences face we wish no one would see, but what we aren’t noticing is we; all did it. We may have not had the perfect round, the perfect lesson, but we still did it.

We live in such a judgmental world that we often lose sight of ourselves, our hopes and dreams. We are always surrounded by social media saying and promoting that if you aren’t great at something, your bad. If you aren’t skinny, your fat. If you’re not talented, your useless. If you don’t have a huge Instagram following your, boring.  There is nothing wrong in admitting we all are struggling at one point or another to find the way. To find that little positive voice in the back of our mind, telling us we can, and we will do it.

Self-improvement happens on our own terms, when we are ready and willing for it to happen.  We all started at the same level, we all needed help tacking up for the first time, we all needed help learning the proper diagonal for the posting trot, we all started with poles which grew into jumps. But, the biggest thing for myself, us, everyone, to remember is, we all fell in love with this sport, with horses for a reason. We all want to succed, we just have to remember everyone grows at different paces.

❤ The Nervous Equestrian

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